Thursday, July 07, 2005
this is not goodbye.
I swear, I don't know if I'm going to last too much longer here. I hate this fucking redneck town. A lot of people are cool, but most are motherfucking racist morons who probably couldn't tell you they've ever been more than thirty miles away from here. H8 h8 h8. Fuck fuck fuck. If it wasn't for the outrageous costs of out-of-state tuition I would have been long-gone by now. I'm thinking about moving somewhere else in Florida if I can get my financial aid to go through. It probably won't be until next year though. Who am I fooling? I'm broke. I'll probably be here until I can at least transfer with my degree. Damn. I just want to finish. Degrees take so long to complete.
I've been boohooing a lot lately for no particularly good reason. Mainly just when I'm by myself in the house. I sit around and think too hard about things and people and myself. I've just been lying on my bed or on the sofa with the fan on. At least I think I'm getting better at being a decent human being. I'm less likely to shy away from people. But then again I keep falling back into hermit mode and I don't answer phone calls and shut myself in my room. It's getting to be less frequent but it still bothers me that I shut out the world a lot.
It really sucks because Cherito left today for San Diego. We basically spent the whole day running her and Jeff's last minute errands. We hung out with Krystel and Tiana a while, too. It sucks so hard because it feels like we were just getting to be really close friends and now she's leaving. She was the glue that held us all together and dragged all of us out. Krystel's going back to Tally-ho pretty soon for school. Tiana's trying to get a job at the same store with me so we can see each other more often. Her and her boyfriend just moved into a new place so I really want to get them a housewarming gift. ^_^ They're really into reggae so I might go down by the beach to one of the shops that are the same company as the one I work for. That way I can get a 40% discount. Booya. They have super cute stuff!
My glasses are still waiting for me at the shop in the mall, too. Fuckin' A. I didn't have the money to pay for them because I had a few bills to pay but I'm thinking about going straight there to get them after I get my paycheck on Monday. >_< Grr... I really need them! I'm so BLIND! I can't even read road signs! Poopy!
And now.. I'm going to stop being a whiny little bitch and go take a shower. And clean the house since my dad's a slob and my mom and sister are in Okinawa for a month. I wanted to go see Bewitched but Michaelangelo is busy and Tiana can't come since her boyfriend is incredibly jealous and needy. Dang, I sure don't miss that. I swear, if I ever start dating someone who won't let me have my own friends and let me out of the house without being cuffed to their leg (AGAIN) I'm going to scream and run away like my hair's on fire. (Remember I said that *ties string to finger*) I'd rather be alone. K? Thanks.
Which reminds me.. I've been thinking. I don't think I ever want another boyfriend until they can be confident enough to let me have a little room to breathe and at the same time be secure enough to trust me. I just want someone who can give back what I give them. Loyalty and trust seem to be nonexistant nowadays. And if that kinda person doesn't exist or I never meet them, then fuck it. I'd rather be alone. I'll just pursue my nursing career and enjoy life to the utmost by myself until I drop dead. Fuck everyone. Goddamnit. I hate people.
And I didn't mean for this to turn into an angsty post. Whoops. Time to do laundry, take a bath and think about making something crafty. Weeee, fun!
Au revoir.
I've been boohooing a lot lately for no particularly good reason. Mainly just when I'm by myself in the house. I sit around and think too hard about things and people and myself. I've just been lying on my bed or on the sofa with the fan on. At least I think I'm getting better at being a decent human being. I'm less likely to shy away from people. But then again I keep falling back into hermit mode and I don't answer phone calls and shut myself in my room. It's getting to be less frequent but it still bothers me that I shut out the world a lot.
It really sucks because Cherito left today for San Diego. We basically spent the whole day running her and Jeff's last minute errands. We hung out with Krystel and Tiana a while, too. It sucks so hard because it feels like we were just getting to be really close friends and now she's leaving. She was the glue that held us all together and dragged all of us out. Krystel's going back to Tally-ho pretty soon for school. Tiana's trying to get a job at the same store with me so we can see each other more often. Her and her boyfriend just moved into a new place so I really want to get them a housewarming gift. ^_^ They're really into reggae so I might go down by the beach to one of the shops that are the same company as the one I work for. That way I can get a 40% discount. Booya. They have super cute stuff!
My glasses are still waiting for me at the shop in the mall, too. Fuckin' A. I didn't have the money to pay for them because I had a few bills to pay but I'm thinking about going straight there to get them after I get my paycheck on Monday. >_< Grr... I really need them! I'm so BLIND! I can't even read road signs! Poopy!
And now.. I'm going to stop being a whiny little bitch and go take a shower. And clean the house since my dad's a slob and my mom and sister are in Okinawa for a month. I wanted to go see Bewitched but Michaelangelo is busy and Tiana can't come since her boyfriend is incredibly jealous and needy. Dang, I sure don't miss that. I swear, if I ever start dating someone who won't let me have my own friends and let me out of the house without being cuffed to their leg (AGAIN) I'm going to scream and run away like my hair's on fire. (Remember I said that *ties string to finger*) I'd rather be alone. K? Thanks.
Which reminds me.. I've been thinking. I don't think I ever want another boyfriend until they can be confident enough to let me have a little room to breathe and at the same time be secure enough to trust me. I just want someone who can give back what I give them. Loyalty and trust seem to be nonexistant nowadays. And if that kinda person doesn't exist or I never meet them, then fuck it. I'd rather be alone. I'll just pursue my nursing career and enjoy life to the utmost by myself until I drop dead. Fuck everyone. Goddamnit. I hate people.
And I didn't mean for this to turn into an angsty post. Whoops. Time to do laundry, take a bath and think about making something crafty. Weeee, fun!
Au revoir.
