Wednesday, November 02, 2005
changes are more or less a second chance.
It comes and goes like undulating waves. I'm either really down or really content. The very fact that I'm not down for months at a time is pretty nice, though. So I'm considering it an improvement.
I decided to move to Tallahassee. I don't feel I have anything to lose by leaving this town. If not that, I feel I have more to gain by picking up and going. All my shit is still in boxes in my friend's house so I'm kind of eager to get out of her and her boyfriend's hair. I feel like a burden even though I try to keep quiet and pay as much as they ask for rent.
I've been out to the gay bar a few times and went to Spinnaker's for Halloween. It was fun, I guess. I don't really know what else to call it. I was surrounded by a bunch of acquaintances rather than good friends so I think that's why I felt like something was incomplete. I hope that aspect of things will change someday. People make the world go round and regardless of how much you try to shut them out, they're always going to be affecting you from the moment you wake up. So 'shut the fuck up and get used to it' is what I've been saying to myself.
I'm in limbo at the moment and neither really positive or down. I expect things to pick up as soon as I leave this house to go get groceries. I'll feel like a working citizen contributing to society then.
I can't wait to meet my roommates in Tally. I've only briefly met them. Maybe this is a change for the best. Either way, you never know until you take that leap. At least I'm growing the balls to do it and trying to make something better for myself.
I feel sad and sometimes angst lately for the few people I've opened up to and learned to love and really care for. I just want to best for them but I'm scared to say anything in fear of upsetting them and ruining everything that could have been or is or was. I don't know what to do and the only person I feel I could get the truth and best advice from is the source of my sadness. If that makes sense. I'd elaborate but I really need to get some food, we're running on our last canned goods.
Off to the supermarket, then work.
Hope everyone is happy and safe. <3 I'm feeling content with life at this very moment and I hope you are, too.
James Hillman
"If you are still being hurt by an event that happened to you at twelve, it is the thought that is hurting you now."
William James
"To change one's life: 1. Start immediately, 2. Do it flamboyantly, 3. No exceptions."
With Love,
Christine
I decided to move to Tallahassee. I don't feel I have anything to lose by leaving this town. If not that, I feel I have more to gain by picking up and going. All my shit is still in boxes in my friend's house so I'm kind of eager to get out of her and her boyfriend's hair. I feel like a burden even though I try to keep quiet and pay as much as they ask for rent.
I've been out to the gay bar a few times and went to Spinnaker's for Halloween. It was fun, I guess. I don't really know what else to call it. I was surrounded by a bunch of acquaintances rather than good friends so I think that's why I felt like something was incomplete. I hope that aspect of things will change someday. People make the world go round and regardless of how much you try to shut them out, they're always going to be affecting you from the moment you wake up. So 'shut the fuck up and get used to it' is what I've been saying to myself.
I'm in limbo at the moment and neither really positive or down. I expect things to pick up as soon as I leave this house to go get groceries. I'll feel like a working citizen contributing to society then.
I can't wait to meet my roommates in Tally. I've only briefly met them. Maybe this is a change for the best. Either way, you never know until you take that leap. At least I'm growing the balls to do it and trying to make something better for myself.
I feel sad and sometimes angst lately for the few people I've opened up to and learned to love and really care for. I just want to best for them but I'm scared to say anything in fear of upsetting them and ruining everything that could have been or is or was. I don't know what to do and the only person I feel I could get the truth and best advice from is the source of my sadness. If that makes sense. I'd elaborate but I really need to get some food, we're running on our last canned goods.
Off to the supermarket, then work.
Hope everyone is happy and safe. <3 I'm feeling content with life at this very moment and I hope you are, too.
James Hillman
"If you are still being hurt by an event that happened to you at twelve, it is the thought that is hurting you now."
William James
"To change one's life: 1. Start immediately, 2. Do it flamboyantly, 3. No exceptions."
With Love,
Christine